Al who?Al give you a kiss if you open this door!Knock, knock.Whos there?Ima ReillyIma Reilly who?Ima Reilly excited to see you naked later.Knock, knock.Whos there?Nicholas! Get a look. Why did all the other fruit ask the banana to be their Valentine? Get over here and eat my heart-shaped box. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. You remind me of a balloon I want to blow you. I find you very attractive. Pandemic Antelope. What's a cutesy love term that can also be orange and delicious? Because this feels just right. "You're choco-late.". ", 8. Your email address will not be published. But for the rest of you, drop some dirty talk lines for Valentine's Day and ring in the holiday in style and by that, I mean in bed. "My heart beats for you. Valentine's Day Jokes Fall head over heels with these Valentine's Day jokes. Are you a parking ticket? Whats in store for today? Im known as a big swinger. 1. Who always has a date on Valentine's Day? Drinking "Are you up for a little row-mance?" 2. All his friendships were completely pla-tonic. I choo-choo-choose you to stay in bed with me all day. The doctor walks in and says, I have some bad news. You make me feel just like a unicorn - very wild and horny. Whats the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? (could be for a friend you love) I'm so glad your mum didn't swallow How do I want thee? Which flowers do squirrels give each other on Valentines Day? And that was cos Id no small change for the window cleaner.They say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation with me?Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are you have small boobs.If a threesome is with three people and a twosome with two, do you now understand why people call you handsome.What name do you give to a country where everyone is pissed off?Urination.Sex is like pizza, if youre going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck youre doing.A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.A worm crawls out of a pile of spaghetti and says: Damn, that was one hell of a gang bang!You know youve got a high sperm count when she has to chew before she swallows.If its true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning. Im taking this shit to a whole new level.2 men went 2 a callgirl.1st went in and came out n said: Na my wife is better.2nd went in and came out n said: U R right ur wife is much better.What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block?A beaver dam!It goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet. Im 42 years of age, I literally have to hit it with nettles. Celebration A boyfriend asks his girlfriend: Do you like Star Wars? Heres What We Found. The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma.". I can be more fun when I vibrate. Riddles pique our attention. I personally am on the fence.What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?Thanks for coming!How does a woman scare a gynecologist?By becoming a ventriloquist. She opened the card to read, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder." I lava you! document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Become single. Olive you. That's one of the short adult jokes. We are frequently advised not to take life too seriously. 30. What did one piece of toast say to the other on Valentines Day? The best man always has me first. Because youre Cu Te! You use your fingers to get me on and pull me off. Si vous ne souhaitez pas que nos partenaires et nousmmes utilisions des cookies et vos donnes personnelles pour ces motifs supplmentaires, cliquez sur Refuser tout. He was a real keeper. (for a not so subtle way of asking her for sex) Let my pork see your pie! What am I?An electric toothbrush.Name a word that starts with f and ends with u-c-k?Firetruck!You put your hands on me the first thing in the morning. Required fields are marked *. How do chefs show their love? There is no shame in accepting for your bawdy sense of humor and rolling on the floor laughing at R-rated jokes with your buddies. Why did the banana go out with the prune? afficher des publicits et des contenus personnaliss en fonction de vos profils de centres dintrt; mesurer lefficacit des publicits et contenus personnaliss; et. A calendar. Si vous souhaitez personnaliser vos choix, cliquez sur Grer les paramtres de confidentialit. (adorable) I love you from the bottom of my cock. You may call yourself a very hilarious person if you can make others laugh with only one or two phrases. Who am I?A toothbrush.Whats the difference between Covid and your legs?I dont want Covid to spread.A Christian friend of mine said that sex between two men is wrong in their eyes.I said, Youre right, its supposed to be up the bum! Short dirty jokes might come in handy when you have nothing to do and want to ask acquaintances or close ones who share your thoughts. 10. (625) $7.00. Why shouldnt you fall in love with a pastry chef? dad and tell only the cringiest and corniest of all jokes. Hey, it beats folding. Nous, Yahoo, faisons partie de la famille de marques Yahoo. All Rights Reserved. Love, Cuddle Bear Roses are red, violets are blue, and all my naughty thoughts include you. Two lovers, the girl and the boy, were walking on those in a park.Suddenly, the boy, knowing that Valentine's Day is coming, stops and asks his girlfriend: 0 0 "My dear boyfriend, what do you want to receive or do on Valentine's Day?"I wish to go to a warm, clean place, full of fresh scents, have fresh air, and go on the balcony. How do you get in trouble on Valentine's Day? Roses are red, violets are blue, and all my naughty thoughts include you. $10.00 (30% off) More like this. Why dont we start with you kissing my Cupids Bow? Is your name Chapstick? Im trying to examine you.I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.Three nuns are sitting on a park bench when a flasher comes by. This way, if we break up, I can use it again. As we all have met two types of people in our lives; those who enjoy dirty minded jokes and those who claim they dont reallybut are lying. Copyright 2023 O-hand.com. 28. 16. Tweethearts. I always penetrate with the tip first and I always come with a quiver. You sick weirdo.One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, Please send me a sister. Santa Clause wrote him back, Ok, send me your mother.Whats the best help you can give to a constipating person?Well, scare the shit outta them.Why do walruses love a Tupperware party?Theyre always on the lookout for a tight seal.What did the left nut say to the right nut?Dont talk to the guy in the middle; hes a real dick!A husband says to his wife, I bet you cant tell me something that will make me happy and sad both at the same time.She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, Your p*nis is bigger than your brothers.How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?Once you open it, you realize its half-empty.What did the clitoris say to the vulva?Its all good in the hood!. What's the most romantic ship? Have you seen all jokes? Because I'm feeling a connection. 3. Who always has a date on Valentine's Day? Cupid called, he wants his arrow back. I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock. Remember that long or detailed jokes might ruin the entire game, so short dirty jokes are the way to go. Your tongue gets me off. Your email address will not be published. Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you. What comes after 69?Mouthwash.Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Im like butter, you can spread me anytime. Why do air fresheners love Valentine's Day? 18. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.Whats the difference between a penis and a bonus?Your wife will always blow your bonus!What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?Beat it. Im afraid youre going to have to stop masturbating. I dont understand, doc, the patient says. What kind of flower should you never give on Valentines Day? Whats in store for today? What am I?A smartphone. "Gimme some sugar! One of the best dirty one-linerswhat is the difference between ooooooh and aaah Approximately three inches. 'Whats the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?The hockey player takes a shower after three periods.I really deeply wish that you are here with me in my room on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together to show you my glow in the dark watch.My girlfriend asked me if I smoke after sexI said I havent looked. All of his friendships were so pla-tonic. Such kind of jokes could bring a smile on anyone's face or could crack them up in a knotty situation. This has no impact on the price you pay :). Sense of Humor You can always count on me. Me: "No. It was just puppy love. "Bee mine. It must have been a really bad one we work on a submarine.What do you get when you mix human DNA and goat DNA?You get kicked out of the petting zoo.How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant?He forgot to wrap his Whopper!Whats the difference between you and the refrigerator?The refrigerator doesnt moan when I put my meat in it.What do a boyfriend/girlfriend and a math test have in common?Theyre both something we could cheat on.A husband says to his wife, Why dont you tell me when you orgasm?She replies, I dont like calling you when youre at work.I told my mom that I have an Oedipus complex.She asked if I was serious, and I said, Nah, Im just fucking with you.Did you hear Lorena Bobbit just died?Yeah I heard she was on the freeway and some dick cut her off.My bae told me that s/x is better on vacation.It wasnt the best postcard Ive ever received.How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?By the taste.My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, I shaved my pussy you know what that means?I said, Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again.. if you do it too long you will go blind. The son replied Dad, Im over here.A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is.The husband, surprised, pulls his out.She says, Oh, its like a dick but smaller.What did the sex toy store employee say to the customers before closing for the night?Its time for you to beat it! People may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Im so wet, give it to me now! She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.Whats the difference between a job and marriage?A job still sucks after 10 years.If you were born in September, its pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.What are the three shortest words in the English language?Is it in?Why do women talk so much and why do guys think so much?Because one has two lips and one has two heads.Why does a woman prefer an old gynecologist over a new one?Because the old one has shaky hands.Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?Because they wont stop to ask directions.Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, I cant talk now, Im going into a tunnel.What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? Howie.Howie who?Howie gonna hide this affair from your husband? 39. I sometimes ask you to spit and not swallow it. You have to admit there's already quite a bit of humor involved with imagining someone slyly flying all around with talent not only for archery but matchmaking! Cute love background. Were a perfect match! "You're purr-fect!". Quotes From Famous People Are you a desert plant? It's time to act like a dad and tell only the cringiest and corniest of all jokes. Happy Valentine's Day Restaurant offers 25% discount for men who show up with their wife, 20% discount for men who show up with their girlfriend on Valentine's Day. Now you have to remove them.Why did the sperm cross the road? Looking for a craft to send to your sweetheart this Valentine's Day? Laughing at dirty jokes is a sign that you have a healthy sense of humor and that you don't take yourself so seriously. Valentines Day is about to become a religious holiday, because youre gonna be screaming, Oh God! all night. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side, 155 Best Wedding Jokes to Kick off Your Speech, 160 Hilarious Wife Jokes to Spark Joy in Your Marriage, Short Dirty Jokes That Will Make You Laugh, 150 Hilarious Train Jokes to Engineer Laughs on Your Face, 150 Hilarious Tree Jokes to Fresh Your Mind, 152 Hilarious Wine Jokes to Make Conversation More Enjoyable, 151 Hilarious Tomato Jokes That Are So Juicy. Are you in need of some dirty minded jokes? "Ouch! Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns. If you are naive, you may not understand what to expect from short sexy jokes. Which new Taylor Swift tune is the best couple's song for two ghosts to share? I got you a heart-shaped box in my pants. Because Im trying to go from cacti to cactus. Kid 2: "You will in about nine months.". He found her to be very attractive. Violets are blue, Roses are thorny. I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock. My arms. For Valentines Day, Im gonna make you mine again and again. Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love? ", 40. Tear off your underwear. Whats the difference between kinky and perverted? 34. Can't wait to receive nothing on Valentine's Day! Oxygen, carbon dioxide, and nitrogen are in the air.". I had her try yours on for me and they looked quite lovely." What do pieces of fruit write to each other in their V-Day cards? What did one piece of toast say to the other? Travel and Backpacker "Peas be my Valentine.". Whats the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.What goes in hard and comes out close and wet?Chewing gum.A guy is sitting at the doctors office. Buy "funny chemistry valentine jokes (not joke)" by Nazou521 as a Essential T-Shirt. How did one Bloody Mary share their strong feelings with another? So, i (25f) met a guy (23m) like and we've been sending dirty jokes and pick up lines. Have a look! It is, indeed. They whisk you off your feet. 14. Why didnt the skeleton want to celebrate Valentines Day? Im an archaeologist. All combined it adds up to all the great content you see! Why did the magnet hit on the refrigerator? Well, then keep an eye on these questions because such dirty jokes can surely put them up in an awkward position. It is a great way to impress your loved one too. Inspiring Quotes About Life 18. Give me some sugar. These are some of the best dirty Valentines jokes we know of but if you know better ones share them in the comments below. "Osama Bin Laden," she says. All I need today is you in my bed.